I went tubing today with my sister and M.Lo… since they both are named Michelle, I think it will be fun for the purposes of this journal entry to call them M.Lo and M.El.
I picked up M.El first and we went to get M.Lo, who was hungover and ended up sleeping all the way down to the river and all the way back home. I didn’t get to nap, why should anyone else? That M.Lo is always saying the funniest stuff today she said she got drunk last night from drinking YagerMONSTER shots.
The tubing was fun, and the water was as frigid as always. Of course, the frigidness was amplified by the fact that the sun was in hiding and it had been raining all night and morning. The good thing is that the water was SO frigid (how frigid was it?) that your body soon became numb and you no longer cared nor noticed the temperature. Yays for hypothermia! Anyway, so yeah… numb and not noticing… that is until the jerks standing in the river squirted us with their water guns or when we hit the tiny little mini rapids.
Seriously, these grown adults were just lined up in the water with super soakers drenching everyone that went by. They did this for HOURS, and I know this because we were rode the same stretch of the river three times and they were there all three times! Luckily for me, since I was with two ladies, I barely got squirted. Those boys were only interested in soaking the ladies.
I was very amused when we stopped to get liquor and snacks (at 11:54) and there was a line of people waiting to get in line to buy their alcohol. Being as we are in the bible belt, and it IS Sunday (aka THE LORD’S DAY), no liquor can be sold before noon. So people were just hanging out by the registers all getting ready to jump in line at noon.
Why does this stupid law exist? Why does there ever need to be a time when liquor is not sold? Like why do the bars have to stop serving it at 2am, and then why do we have to wait until noon to buy it on Sundays? Who is this protecting? Will the crime rate suddenly skyrocket if people are allowed to purchase their alcohol at these incredibly off peak times?
Anyway, back to the floating… we floated on the river for about 3 hours and it was a good ride. There was plenty of people-watching to do… but sadly they were not beautiful people. The Guadelupe was filled was all kinds of scaries today. There was this one especially scary old man (like 60s) who had a beard longer than ZZTop and swim trunks that hung off his butt, showing about 6 inches of hairy crack. He was tall and thin with a huge gut. He was hanging out on the shore and dancing around like a drunk fool the first time we saw him. The second time we saw him he was “helping” people get by in their tubes. Yeah… you can bet we did our best to avoid needing his “help”. Luckily for us he was laying on top of the tubes of these poor innocent girls trying to “help” them when we went by.
I just finished watching four episodes of Fat Actress, and I really like the show. I’m going to have to finish watching Season 1 now. The assistant and the makeup lady totally make the show. The assistant is REALLY cute in a thin Joe Rogan kind of way, and the makeup lady is just plain hilarious. Of course, Kirstie Alley is pretty funny too.
She does really well at wearing things that hide her shape. I mean, you can tell she’s fat, but you can’t really tell just how fat she is. Now, what’s funny is that Mayim Bialik (however you spell that) is on the show and she calls Kirstie fat… and little miss Blossom is NOT skinny herself. She looks like she just ate about 30 clams without realizing she’s allergic to shell fish.
I was planning on going out tonight. I’ve been looking forward to going out on Latino Night for a long time… and now I just don’t feel up to it. It’s raining like crazy outside (AGAIN!) and I’m not in the mood to drive downtown in this weather… it’s scary enough knowing how many drunks are on the road, add to that darkness and rain and that’s a recipe for DEATH.
I can’t die single! I need to leave someone behind clutching my dead hand screaming and crying.
